Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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