you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
