I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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