How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
