It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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