dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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