Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You smell like stripper and shame
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
