i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
