you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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