smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
