i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
