Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
