I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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