did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
