and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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