True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
