Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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