At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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