This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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