I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
