So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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