normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
