Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
