Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
