Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
