But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
