i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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