Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
