There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
