I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
