Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
