is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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