I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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