so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
