We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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