is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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