i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize