I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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