so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
