So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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