so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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