Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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