Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
