if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
