How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize