I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just gift wrapped bread.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
