if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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