I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
