You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
