I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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