why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
