the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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