another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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