I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
