I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
