I wish I only lived at night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it penis luge time yet?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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