He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
