If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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