shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
