i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't deserve a penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
