Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
