I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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