So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
