i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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