The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
