In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
