I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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