idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
