i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize