This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
