Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
