It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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