I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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