i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
