So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
