So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
