so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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