He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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