you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
