you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
