And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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