I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
