The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
