i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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