five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
not ubering you a puppy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
