The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
