I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
