i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize