for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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