Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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