I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
