Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
