if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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