I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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