So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
