I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
