The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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