I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
