Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
