I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
