Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
