well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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