I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
