I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
