I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
