I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
