This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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