party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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